Sarashwati Puja

At home.so at peace. have been chatting with friends.suddenly heard few kids shouting loud at out gate saying "kakima kakima" (aunty). Well I dont like being disturbed most of the time but had to go out to see the need.Kakima ( the aunty of the kids and my mom) was taking rest so I had to attend the kids.

Well, as soon as I went out they asked me "Sarashwati pujo r chanda" Ohh... they were collecting fund for Sarashwati Puja, the puja for godess Sarashwati and more than that its another version of Valentine's day in West Bengal.

On this very day all the teenagers can walk out of their home freely since morning till late evening. Girls look beautiful in sari and guys wait for the day so eagerly. Since morning, the single hearts wait to meet another single heart, and engaged hearts get another beautiful day to spend together.

During my childhood, life was more simple. I too used to wait for the day for the whole year. Being brought up in a bit conservative family I was not so allowed to freak out so this day was my golden chance to put on some make up and wear sari and go out with friends.having gol gappas, sweets and chat for long.I remember, our school and most of the schools used to have big time puja and everyone used to gather. Ours was girls school but we could see the crowd of guys too with girls.Khichdi was being served at school. We might not like the taste but yes loved being with friends beyond school timing.

I remember, we used to collect chanda from the area so do this puja,people were not so willing to trust the kids and contribute. But few of them wanted the puja to happen so not by assisting financially they used to guide too. From buying the idol, arrange everything else - it was so much of fun. 3 days we never used to study. It was a good excuse not to study. We had a rule to study every evening for 3/4 hours!! It was so different that time. No TV, no fun nothing. Life had the same routine. And all of us used to follow that.

Now I dont remember its been how long that I didnt even see and enjoy Sarashwati puja. Those days things were not so easily available so we used to wait for the whole year to wait for this one day - a day of freedom, a day of love, a day of fun and a day where we used be a bit independent.

So much planning we girls usd to do - what sari to wear, what make up to put on (make up that time means lip stick and a bit of junk jewellery nothing beyond) so in schools and after school for few weeks our discussion point used to be Sarashwati puja.It was fun when each of the girls knew they were being watched and appreciated by few admirers and we used to cherish that feelings. Those moments where silence used to express more than words, where eyes used to speak more.

And finally after a day, this used to come to an end. We all with tears in eyes used to go to bid good bye... to the day and the idol. I still remember we all used to shout for hours saying "Asche bochor abar hobe" ( next year it will happen again)

I miss those moments of Sarashwati puja. I wish to go back to those days.

Being a little Bizarre

Its a Sunday.Having one long weekend and trust me I am wasting it. I planned a lot for today but didn't bother to step out of my room Didn't even cook for myself.Yah, I have been feeling so so so lazy. The morning was beautiful, it was sunny & its no more hot.Its pleasant. So much I felt to hop on to some less known place - even may be Chandni Chawk - but at of the day I am at my room and on my bed.

I have been thinking what I actually want to do?My passion? I found myself blank. I love speed - i love biking, I love photography, I love movies and music and books...sometimes cooking too then what stops me doing so?I am blank, i can see things but fail to feel and analyze. Where are those crazy yet funny out of the box ideas and plans?

Somehow over a period of time, I have stopped thinking crazy (which i believe to be creative) and i think what i am supposed to think or i am expected to think, which is normal.The word is mechanical.Its true, the more convenient and easier life has become, the less are using our brain - being more tech savvy means using less our our grey cells. Loosing the capability of seeing the ordinary thing in an extra ordinary way...

I wish,I get back my craze and the enthusiasm to think and do everything which most of the people thing to be bizarre. I love being so.

My idea about Happy Birth Day

My birth day...( when you are away from family)

I have always been very excited about it. Does not matter how old I am but I believe i will always be so. Its a day when you have all the luxuries in your life, people treat you as a princess.Every one makes you feel as if you are the special most person on this earth and trust me I completely enjoy it.

Birth day for me is always to be celebrated big time at night - bang on 00 hours, the very moment the date starts. How it should be?hmmmm... Since I am so fond of candles, flowers and balloons - it has to be filled with candles and petals and balloons everywhere. And a chocolate cake is the must, so as lots of friends or even select special friends will do. Then chit chat, music and dance and some madness ofcouse.

Then comes the next day. The morning seems beutiful because you still can see the petals, the balloons all around and the memories of last night. You get up and start rceiving lots of calls and messages - your friends and relatives still wish you. Though sending paper card these days a little back dated so people prefer wishing on SMS or even social networking sites. Some close friends and family call you. Then you get some special menu for break fast and lunch. Probably you wear new clothes which you mom sent you for your birth day or start usuing the new mobile phone or camera that your dad or brother has gifted you.

Of couse the evening party is the craziest thing. You invite all your buds to go crazy. Another cake, friends and lots of fun...

And the best thing amidst all these is if you receive some unexpected call or sms from someone special...and I am sure one will go mad if its beyond a call or sms...like a bouquet or chocolates or even a teddy....or any damn thing....

Ahhh... a busy day!!!I wish everyone of us can celebrate his or her birth day at least 3 times a year...who doesnt wanna be pampered?to feel like a princess??

I am waiting eagerly for my Happy Wala Birth Day...

No Title...

Don't know why but each city looks different during festivals,and trust me its a very different feeling during, pre and post festivals. I feel nostalgic. I feel as if the same sun set, the same breeze, the same moon, the same nights and same sun rise for years - the only difference lies between the people around you. Everything remains the same then why not people?the weather becomes a little heavy...you can actually feel the memories...as if they come one by one and touch you gentle...and pass by gradually.

Sometime,im sure, it happens so that few people come in our lives who become so special that their very presence fill up the surrounding with so much of passion,so much of colour, so much of happiness and meaning in life. It boosts the spirit of life. And you end up feeling that you can go to any extent for that person - there remains nothing call 'impossible' when just a smile on the face of the person is concern. You feel to get all the happiness for that person. You feel like gathering all the treasure in front of him / her. You go wild, you go creative, you go complete crazy for that special one. Even boring college lectures seem wonderful with that person's presence or even a bad hectic work day seems to fly in a rosy wings with that person's presence in life. The the only aim of the life seems to be with the person forever - to grow with the person. Life starts looking smiling,bright always. Even rain on a working day seems a bliss.

All dreams get that person centric. Each day seems no less than festival.

But what happens when that person leaves?

Nothing much....a thin line grows in between dreams and reality, between living and surviving. Life doesn't stop for anyone but yes....the passion, the dreams, the craziness do. Life becomes an compulsion - no one can escape. The light, the candles, the diyas are not enough to brighten a empty soul.

Owning an Auto rickshaw..in Delhi

Tired, irritated and actually angry. This is the state of mind I have almost every morning. Most probably not only me but also some more people who travel by auto rickshaw in Delhi have the same state of mind every day.

Yes I am talking of auto ( read Autowallas) in Delhi. Its easy to find anything else but an auto in time. They have some strange excuses if you ask them to drop you at a certain place. Most of the time they completely ignore your request, you keep begging at the mid of the road under the scorching heat or at cold night. Situation gets absolutely crazy if it rains in Delhi. Then forget to reach home or office or any damn place if you are depending on auto.

If you want to travel within 4/5 kms then the autowallas wont go because its so near!!! If you want to travel far then also they wont go because that's so so so far!!If you want to go to some market then they don't go because the area is crowded and if you want to go to some residential area they wont go because they might not get any passenger. Even places like CP,Okhla,Lajpat Nagar,Green Park and so many other places where they get plenty of passengers within a while, they refuse to go. Reason??? Plenty of they have. " Madam, raasta kharap hai / traffic bahot hai / yamuna par ki gaddi hai / gas nahi hai /" and sometime they just ignore your existence.

There is a part in the front side of the vehicle called Meter Box!!! dare you ask them to go by meter!!! That's just for show - you have to be lucky enough to see it working.

The Delhi Autowallas are the God - we are the mighty beggars begging to give us a ride and take double the money. We do it happily as we are left with no other option!!!

What about saving some money and all of us buying auto??Not a bad idea...

I look back to look if you are looking back…
Vast emptiness spreads all over my senses
As you are gone…
I close my eyes to hide the agony flowing down
My senses go numb
My heart cries loud within
my voice too frail to call you once
How I wish I could stop you …
I could take away the moments
The moments of togetherness
The moments of love
The moments of dreams
The moments of taking vows together
The moments of holding hands
The moments of walking together
And the moments of sharing the breaths
How I wish I could take my life that you took away
I am left frozen and forlorn
How I wish I could hear my heart beating again
And my eyes sparking with bundle of dreams
How I wish I could paint my world with colours again
And fly the kite high on the sky again
I gaze your steps going a long way keeping me behind
How I wish I could harmonize my steps with yours
And walk together
How I wish I could make you look back
And make you witness the excruciating storm within
The storm is turning me into debris of scattered feelings
And I still look back to look if you are looking back…

Celebs and Ads

Its sometimes so difficult to understand why a particular ad.is being made.That is the goal that the brand wants to achieve through the ad.?

Well,while tuning the channels one recent ad. caught my notice.Amir Khan and Incredible India.I quite liked the ad, some how Amir seems quite credible. He seems real and credible on election ads too when we appealed for vote.

But few ads. I see and fail to understand the message...they seem to be so confusing.Once I have heard that there is no good ad or bad ad. But I doubt.Its all about conveying the right message to the right TG. For an example, we see SRK using some cool oil or cool talc to be relieved from this scorching summer, I feel like laughing out loud. Does he ever even used any of them?Or after his stardom has he ever experienced heat?Im sure King Khan is always surrounded by AC - the real one,not the oil or talc.

In fact most of the celeb brand ambassadors seem so fake, we can not connect the brand with the celebs.Why only SRK,does it at all seem credible seeing Badshah of Bollywood using the thanda thanda Rs 10 oil?And Katrina Kaif sensually sipping in a mango drink...does the beautiful figure conscious actress has ever tasted it?and how come a mango drink becomes sensual?There are so many stupid ads, Once I got confused with an ad which I thought to be vulgar and seemed a contraceptive ad which was not, it was for some ordinary FMCG ad.

And the recent trend to change the brand ambassadors with their fame and popularity. So every year we see new faces for one brand.

I used to like Surf's ad..faintly can remember Lalita ji whom we could connect to a detergent powder. Imagine, what if the creative team uses a very glamorous super model or heroine for a detergent soap's ad? will be hilarious for sure like we can see the glamorous Karishma Kapoor's face for some mass atta brand.

There are hundreds such ads where celebs are used so blindly just because they are popular and people love seeing them. But at the end of the day will be product be sold due to that ad?May be by creating some controversy brands can have a better recall value but that can be negative too. Probably the creative minds use the celebs in a better way.

I really appreciate the Vodafone ads - awesome. So as Happydent ads too. They are excellent and superb from the creative point of view.

Consumers will anyways buy what they want - no celeb can convince them be it anyone. They are smart enough to invest their hard earn money wisely & just not follow the heart throbs' or their favourite stars' words even if its a 10 Rs. oil or chocolate or cola drink.Celebs are required but not everywhere, they are loosing their face value gradually.

Yes, ads give us information, awareness but do celebs really be needed for that?or people prefer a common face whom we all can connect to?

The debate and examples can go endless...

Rain

Sometime life seems like a fairy tale.Like it seems to be so at this moment to me. 

 Monsoon has come to West Bengal, its raining and raining since morning through out the day. I always love the rain during night.It seems the earth is being blessed with small sparkling diamonds from someone sitting beyond the sky...Today when I got up,I could see each and every tree so fresh and rain water was dripping from the green leaves. Don't know what I have been dreaming of the whole night but even when I'm not sleeping,life seems like a pink dream with the family beside - absolutely no tension,no worry for the next moment,not a single curse for anyone - life is a cosy dream.  Since childhood monsoon takes me to a different world, a world of imagination,dream & fantasy. Once upon a time I used to dream of walking beside the sea shore at night- the waves touching my feet and when it's drizzling - when moon is peeping from theclounds, such a nice dream it was and I still love this dream. Then imagine a cup of masala tea and pakoras in the morning sitting at your varanda when you have a huge garden - squirrel running all over, birds chirping, and the smell of the soil.....I find it heavenly. My place is full of different trees - giant trees to the most tiny ones. I can hear them giggling and playing with the rain,as some friends are meeting their old buddy after a long time.

 Its fun to have a umbrella and yet to get drench...the mad breeze doesnt follow any direction, it may blow your soul from anywhere so unexpectedly....

During my school time we used to get summer holiday just when monsoon used to enter the town...it was great fun to close the umbrella and hug the rain,feel the rain and come home walking slowly to longer experience of rain water....So much used to think about 'Meghdoot' seemed the dark cloud was reading my mind and may search my soul mate & convey the poem of my soul,strange but true.

I wish it rains all the time, it soothe the dried soul & keep them alive to dream absurd. Life is dead without absurd and impossible dreams....and Rain can keep them alive,I'm sure.

Flash back - college days

Its been few years and the city remains the same...

The city is known as the City of Joy...Kolkata.The moment i stepped in Howrah station I could easily fly back down the memory lane, nothing much has changed,its the same, the same busy people,the hawkers,the eager relatives waiting for their their loved ones to come out of the trains...

My favourite Howrah bridge, the ghats and so many other things...I spent the years which were full of dreams,fantasy,hope and endless energy.Each corner of the city has so many beautiful memories of the most beautiful days of my life. If I start writing about them, I may never be able to stop...

The best part was, an evening when I met my best buddy Ammu...she is my college pal and even after so many years we are friends. And the most surprising thing I discover, the time is no more the same but the feelings we had for each other 8 years back are the same.I was moved by this very fact! In this fast changing world if someone feels the same for you even after 8 years is really amazing. 

College days are the days when one dreams even with an open eyes...we too used to do the same.We had a gang..full of fun and we were good at studies too...Could not meet other pals due to lack of time but yes...connected another partner of our craze and found her the same too.

I realized those days were so pure, we were so prompt to help each other any time...without expecting anything in return.Everything was filled with unique fun - be it having gol gappas in front of college gate or sit and chat at Dhakuria lake or go for shopping even for 10 bucks or reading story books at library or attending psycho classes....

I must say those psycho practical classes were fun in spite of having some strict teachers. We did a great deal of manipulation to score better marks in practical & studies some fat books too. 

Making planes and flying them in English class ( where attendance was maximum as 2/3 other stream used to join us) was fun.. It was a girls college so...no fun looking at guys so we used to have fun deciding who was the sexiest girl or homely girl among the lot.It was fun too.

I still remember, there was no shopping mall that time,only Emami shopping place...(forgot the exact name) and Landmark was a hip hop place to be in so we used to walk & used to listen  to songs,read books there. We never used to hesitate singing out loud even on the road...one of the favourite track was .."Raat ka nasha abhi aankh se gaya nahi.." from the movie Ashoka. Even sitting at metro station platform it was fun staring at guys,giggling and singing without even looking at guys!!

Ammu and I used to be a little more close...we celebrated Valentine's day together watching Raaz at some movie hall at Esplanade... a horror movie on the day of love...well the whole class was present that day for the same movie and same show...we realized that during the interval.

We laughed together even in some silly reason..we cried and offered shoulders every time we needed....and stood by each other in hard times...

I met her after few years but both of us possess the same madness,smile,energy and dreams that we had 8 years ago...may be hidden and may burst out when getting the same spark.

True, life is dull if it doesn't have friends with same madness,passion,energy....friends are not those who are calculative but those who do feel the same as you do and even they don't they do respect what you feel....

I loved rain, i loved the breeze, i loved the Dhakuria lake, the metro and so many other things...I love the imagination I had that time...I love the energy and hope I had that time... I miss them.

I could feel those 'never say no' & 'never die' moments being in Kolkata and being with Ammu.

Happiness...

We usually find happiness dont know where all but if we look properly its everywhere.we miss findind it. I wont say much about it because I myself keep complaining about it,I most of the time fail to find happiness.

Today after a long time,may be for some time,it seems life has taken some fresh air in my life,i felt like standing in my terrace and dance and sing some song...sounds funny but i am capable of doing all kind of madness.

I have taken a break,Im at home and I am doing what I wanted to do,being with my family,sleeping,eating and lazying around. Life seems so beautiful. No hurry to find a job. I know as soon as I get one,life will again be the same,very much routinized,so I am just enjoying. Here most of my (actually All) friends got married long back. But whenever I come home I without a fail meet my childhood freind. We have been friend for 23 years now. We met when we started walking and talking, then we started going to school together. It was fun.We used to play together and when we grew up we used to walk together towards gol gappa stalls or the market to buy eve silly things like a 2RS. pen - but it was fun.

Then I went out for higher studies and job, she remained here.But whenever I used to come home,without a fail we used to meet and walk and chat. Then 3 years ago I got to know that she would be getting married. Well,many of my friends got married but I never had that exitement.But with this friend I felt so different, she was someone who was not my best friend but a steady friend, since childhood even before our parents enrolled our names in nursery!!!

Now I got to know that she is going to give birth to a baby...wow!!I actually am running short of expression and words to say narrate that feeling.It was so pure form of happiness. So today I went to see her, I felt great. I still ws trying to connect this would be mom with the small kid i first met and with whom I used to play,time moves so fast. Its not quite long ago when we used to go out in the evening and our best hang out place used to be the local railway station. we used to sit there - very quiet ambience, peaceful - its not a busy urban place so...we used to enjoy now she has become a lady who is going to give birth to another wonderful creation. Then the same cycle will continue, the small kid will grow up and may be he/ she will meet some friend whom he/she will start going tp school,playing together....The feeling is so wonderful.I feel more responsible now.

On the way to her place, I met another friend of mine, he and his wife both are my friends with whom I had some great moments during my college days. Well, now he is a proud father of a 3 days old son!!! Wow...seems happiness is all around the corner. Hope,happiness,a new generation is on the way....

And when I reached home, I received one unexpected call from one of my best pals.After a long time we have spoken.Now I had no word.I just am happy and thankful to God for so many good things in a day.

A comment from a stranger made my day!!!

A more relaxed Sunday. Though scorching heat made me a little low. So I canceled my favourite time pass - to travel long in bus. Today I wanted to go to Chandni Chawk or some place in Old Delhi but seeing the Sun frowning at me, I didn't dare to go out and explore some part of old Delhi. But thankfully I am blessed with some friends, no matter how the weather is, we just need to catch up to have fun even in such hot summer or even in coldest winter night. Trust me, nothing can be better than having like minded buddies around with whom you can be yourself. So it was silly jokes,laughter and even serious guidance. But something beyond these made my day (can I call it Evening?)

Well, I had to withdraw some money from my favourite bank and went there. The ATM had 3 machines and I saw the customers struggling with them. As soon as I entered a small sweet kid showed a very kind gesture by telling me " Didi, the machine does not have money.Mummy is trying for so long" then his Mummy too informed that its been few minutes that all the customers are trying hard but the machines seem to have no cash in it. Well, I was supposed to leave but thought to give it a try. The customers who had been trying all the three machines, helped me to use any of the machine I wanted , they left with a sigh. I tried one and thankfully the machine gave me the required amount. The kid and his mummy was still standing there and trying other machines. They saw me successfully withdrawing money, they again tried the other machine and this time they too successfully could withdraw the amount.

Well,no big deal. There was no satellite problem though some problem was there which made people not to withdraw money. But the lady got so happy and excited that she started saying 'hey young lady, you are so lucky for us. As soon as you enter the machine started working" not only to me, she went out and started telling this to everyone that how lucky I was for all the customers who were trying so hard for so long to withdraw some money.

Ohh,I was amazed and taken aback. I felt so good, I felt her words to be magic. I didn't know her so did she. But see, I ended up feeling so good. Genuine compliment comes very rare.People may talk good about me not because they really mean it but because ... there can be so many reason, better not to discuss.

I dont remember when the last time I receive a genuine compliment. I usually dont take compliments too seriously. Yes I love spreading happiness, confidence and positivity whom so ever I feel important in my life but such unexpected compliment is something I will forever remember. Its so lucky to be called lucky for someone.

Its all about some feelings

A very strange feeling - I feel like a stranger. Being in one organization for 2 years makes me feel somehow stagnant. This is not what I have been looking for.After a period of time you seek a little more, in terms of recognition and appreciation. 

I was trying to understand why people move on?I usually heard its the growth factor that makes one to move on. Does it mean one place can not give enough opportunities to grow? I have no answer for this but yes I feel its all about depreciation value. If one be loyal, hard working, dedicated and so on, people start taking that person for granted. Specially a volatile field like mine, its, I feel, always better not to stick to one single place, then it so happened that you are taken for granted and yes, you yourself stop evaluating yourself.

And when you plan to move on, the whole situation changes, Suddenly you become the betrayer, someone who has done the worst thing ever etc etc. People avoid eye contacts & treat you as if " Og my God..you are the one who has committed the sin?" So the situation is even tricky. The whole situation becomes so that you stop feeling to be a part of the environment anymore. It becomes suffocating enough to survive. You are not being quite trusted anymore, not being a part of any important thing anymore. So you end up feeling a complete left out. I belive more or less same thing happens to almost everyone.

There are very few organization who give a happy treatment to the one who is on the way to sail to new shore, very few organizations give a happy farewell with complete appreciation of the time,energy,skill,loyalty you have invested.

Does anyone value hard work and loyalty anymore? I doubt. 

Just one SMS

This SMS was shared my by COO. I found it nice so thought to share with my friends who visit my blog on a regular basis. Realize how important it is to shed our ego to keep the love alive.

"Once there was an island where all the feelings lived together.One day there was a storm in the sea & the island was about to drown. Every feeling was scared but LOVE made a boat to escape. Every feeling borrowed the boat, one feeling was left. LOVE got down to see who it was. It was EGO. LOVE tried and tried but EGO didnt move. Everyone asked LOVE to leave EGO & come in the boat but LOVE was meant to love, it remained with EGO. All other feelings left alive but LOVE died because of EGO..."

Spa - an interesting concept

I never have posted anything which I havent written but this morning I have read this article in The Indian Express and found it quite interesting. So you too enjoy.

Imagine dipping your feet in a tank of water while fish nibble off the dead skin. Exotic or just plain weird? Happy Feet, Delhi’s first fish spa, introduces what they refer to as natural pedicures and manicures.

“A species of fish called Garra rufa found in the freshwater basins of Turkey, Syria, Iran and Iraq feed on unhealthy skin, leaving one’s feet relaxed and rejuvenated. The concept of a fish spa originated in Turkey and has become extremely popular in Malaysia, Singapore and Japan,” says Shikha Chandra, 26, owner of Happy Feet in Select Citywalk Mall. In Japan fish therapy for the entire body is popular, but Happy Feet is confining the treatment to the feet. The pedicure is a 30-minute procedure with 600 Garra rufa in the tank. It is done on the first-floor balcony of Select, so the afternoons tend to get a bit hot but evening pedicures are pleasant enough.

The process is simple and begins with mild cleansing of the feet, followed by a dip in fishy waters maintained at a temperature of 30-35 degree Celsius, when the rufas, also called doctor fish or little dermatologists, do their job — bite off dead skin, leaving your skin glowing fresh. “These fish don’t have teeth so it doesn’t hurt at all. There’s just a ticklish feeling. It’s like the usual pedicure except it’s totally natural,” says Chandra, who’s already doing 30 pedicures on weekdays and over 50 on weekends, since she opened two weeks ago.

The fish feast on your feet for 15 minutes. This is followed by a 10-minute foot massage by a reflexologist. The whole process is priced at Rs 220. But if you want extras, like a neck and shoulder massage, it costs more, Rs 375. The fish massage is generating massive interest among shoppers at Select, with even five-year-olds in the crowd of fin-watchers. Just hope these flesh eaters are hungry when it is your turn

Education Vs. Job

Very old topic which we can debate forever.Well I often think of my education and my job. I know it breaks my heart when ever i compare myself,my job and so many other things with others. If you ask me if I am happy with my job. probably i will keep quiet, I am not happy and I do crib. I admit it. Not a sin. While chit chatting with other friends I get to know 70% of them are not happy with their job. Recently I got to learn that most of the people leave their job or make a move because of their bosses...according to them, the bosses really make their lives hell. I have heard my friends saying that he had shifted because of a bad boss and some really dont want to shift because they are blessed with a good boss. Yes salary and growth matter too.

Anyways I have been thinking of my being educated, through out a good student, kind of 'topper' - did it help me getting a job?The answer is no. Well I belong to a family where education pays a very important role and since my childhood I have been knowing that kids have to only think about studies ( Read a BOOK WORM) and nothing else. Even when a kid becomes young adult that person is only supposed to study - no poetry, no story books.no movies and playing around is NO NO. The trend these days is to enroll own self in an MBA inst. and then an assured job but trust me its such a wrong conception. Yes being in the top B Schools help but not beyond that. One has to be capable enough and I can say being the topper and being a studious Good Girl / Boy doesnt help much. I have people around who are dumb, slow, who failed to clear their exams and they are doing well in their career, they are earning double than the topper is earning and the good, studious,obedient topper is still struggling in some corner. So what the education is doing? Why do we all study? Is it only to gain knowledge?or to earn our lively hood? I believe its more to earn our bread and butter than gathering knowledge. Knowledge we cab gather anyways by reading - for that we actually dont need to sit for exams and enroll our selves anywhere. This world is so full of mediocre people that even the better people feel de motivated. Its the best to be just good to compete with average mass. Its frustrating when you are better and just average good mass fail to appreciate you. Being very practical, I dont think one has to be really good,obediant,studious and meritorious to bag and continue with a good job, you may ask me is money everything. Well money is not everything but without money its nothing. Money cant buy happiness but money can play an important role to make us happy. Only education doesnt make us earn but its the ability of going beyond, doing something extra makes the difference.

When I think and look back I ask myself what did I achieve being a good student? My parents, my family and neighbour are proud of the medals and certificates but I am not happy with my job. I still have to think 100 times before pampering myself or buy something extra for myself or go beyond my basic need. Just to earn the basics does one need to have a tag called MBA or post graduate? or through out first class? Even a 10th pass person can earn the basic.


Its important to live and let live. We can live only when our hunger is satisfied - our needs are fulfilled and trust me in today's world we need a fat wallet for that and not piles of certificated, medals. When we our selves are not happy, satisfied we feel irritated and we satisfy our selves by irritating others around us.


So moral of my thought is I still question about education after an extent. I do question the quality of the education as well. I am not disagreeing with the fact that one has to be educated ( learned) to be a good human being, aware, gentleman kind but is actually education helping us being a responsible citizen? I doubt.

An Ad and the communication

I don't watch TV much but yes these days ( actually from last few months) Balika Vadhu in Colors have been playing an indispensable part in my life at 8pm. I like the programme a lot. But will talk about it in some other post.

Today I just could not stop myself but saying ' disgusting' after seeing that ad. Its a leading mobile service provider who has cut down its SMS rate. It shows two friends / buddies sitting / standing / being just next to each other and yet they are talking over SMS. Hello!!!! Give me a break!! Is it what technology is trying to do in our lives? Does it make two friends sitting just next to each other and chit chatting over a small tech box! Sitting miles away using the small box called mobile, sending 'sweet nothing' SMS makes sense but when together can not we just use our mouth and verbal ability? Or tech makes us so incapable that we forget to talk! Then a day will come when we will use buttons / key pads to even shed a tear while departing with the most important relation of our lives or smiling on the happiest moment of our lives.

I loved so many ads from the same company - which are cute, creative, nice and make us feel good, But where the creativity of ad agencies are dying? Or is this the proper way to communicate? Ads which have huge impact on today's youth and kids, what kind of information are such ads conveying? Are not they just trying to even stretch the distance which is already there. We almost have forgotten to visit our relations on festivals, now all regards,hello,love,wishes are conveyed through SMS. its not so expensive. But what about the gap we are creating among ourselves? We are going away from our selves, our loved ones. How many of us talk over dinner? Most of us keep busy watching the favourite soaps at prime time during dinner - all popped out eyes and excitement and we forget may be there is someone at home, in friend circle who may be is waiting to say something or hear something. We talk so much on communication but how many of us are in touch with our old grand parents who are probably staying far away? or maternal aunts? or may be some sisters or brothers of a distant relation? or even a friend??

I am not completely blaming the tech age but to us as a whole and if agencies encourage youth to talk over SMS even when they are sitting together, I must say, we need to be worried about the next gen.

Cooking - luxury when alone

I opted to stay alone and little isolated post office hours. Its been few years now. My friends often ask me how do I spend my time? Don't I get bored? Well the answer is,most of the time I don't get bored. Yes sometime I do miss the special person in my life. Whom I could have freaked around the parks and the trees and the movie halls and the restaurant or simple by watching TV holding each others' hands...so saying silly things. I do miss them sometime.But most of the time i am thankful that I have my own space,time and I can do whatever and whenever.I feel independent in true sense.

Its been long that I have stopped painting and writing poems...But still there is a creative thing that I do and everyone else can do to kick away the boredom and monotony. There is no such person on the earth who doesnt feel hungry and everyone loved delicious food. In my initial days when I was not so used to with my being solitary, I used to think what to do but gradually I have been learning the art to combat. Well, after office I try going to the fish market. Being a bong I must admit that I am a pure lover of fish. So most of the time I buy some new fish and come home, try cooking them. Trust me, If you love eating, you will also love the art of cooking. Cooking is not just putting the ingredient right together but to cook with whole heart and passion. Its the imagination - like you are mixing the different colours in the canvas to create something which will soothe your soul. Food is not just to satisfy the basic need but believe you me a visually and sensually attractive food will leave a different impression all together.

Whomsoever , who are alone, who can afford a bit - just go and experience the luxurious art of cooking, mix and match - go the creative way you want according to your taste buds. From last few days my cooked food was bad - I could even feel to eat after cooking. Because I was doing 3/4 work together,watching my favourite soap, chatting over net, some other house hold work and cooking so today I decided to switch off the TV, disconnect myself from the tech world and be in kitchen. So I loved each spice, the onions, the fish, the rice and each ingredient. So the output was what It should have been - quite satisfactory.

Its all about loving own self. Pampering own self. I quite do it often. I have grown up with an attitude of don't give the world a damn as I believe myself to be a self made girl, yes alone and struggling. But I am happy the way I am. So now I have decided to find some or other recipe every now and then and work on my creative cells.

Being Happy - the affordability factor

Strange but something which i have been thinking for past one year.Life is strange - yes it has both positive and negative side. Its up to us the way we are looking at it. I must confess I have been being little pessimist - I have gone beyond extreme optimism and reached pessimism.

Nothing is moving in my life. Its so stagnant . I was trying to read Almost Single and its been more than a month I have read only few pages.Wow..i love my speed.

Ok now coming back to the affordability factor of being happy - when a lady is 26 and nothing is stable in her life!!! My relation didn't work, my job is very average - not at all rocking. No guy in life to throw some romantic praising words, no family to wait for me at dinner table, no pet to come and lick me when I come back from office. How to fix them right?

I have been going through so many ads in TV channels, in the pages of news paper - contact him contact her - change the way your name spells or the direction,furniture etc of your house or join some art of living class etc. You look very average or may be fat or dark - no worries join some good gym or even easier join some slimming center and shed the extra kgs within few months. You can be the way you want to be, you want achieve every dream you want to achieve but nothing comes free.

Shape your self,shape your life,your dreams - think whatever you can think of but only if you can afford. Yes these dreams are little expensive. You may end up spending a month or two's salary. Then what does it mean? we can be happy only if we can afford it? What about those who can not afford?Don't they deserve to be happy?healthy?beautiful?belong to a stable relation and satisfactory job?

With commercialization the basic most happiness and dream have gone beyond the reach of what mass can afford.

Any solution that someone can suggest? I cant see a solution rather than ignoring the problems or repenting on the fate we have.

Sunday Shopping...

Its a long weekend.Dont like long weekend anymore.At the same time dont like going to office either.Dont know what exactly I want but for sure I want some open sky,some space to breath freely and lots of colours. Life has been so monotonous. Now over weekend I prefer spending my time on bed,chatting,watching TV or simply reading books.Of Late I am reading Almost Single.Few pages that I have successfully read in 2 weeks. Suddenly all excitement died somewhere. I was completely bored so today I planned to get out of my bed and my room and head towards Sarojini Nagar Market.Once upon a time it used to be my favorite place to hang out.While in college we used to get off on every Thursday and the bus used to drop us at SN Market and we all friends - the batch mates used to find the same place new and equally exciting every Thursday. I used to end up doing shopping like hell. Used to buy whatever I liked. Obviously I still consider SN to have a good range of hippie casual clothes..at the cheapest price.I used to love the colour of the place - colourful clothes,accessories, aggressive selling etc.

So today,after spending yesterday whole day and today till 7pm I decided to visit SN in a hope to feel a little better. I reached SN market.I was there an hour and half. I tried visiting each and every shop but strange I didnt like anything. I didnt find anything exciting.

Its not too many days ago.just 2 years back when I used to find everything so interesting. I was a complete impulse buyer. Now..I ended up buying 5 pink bangles for Rs. 50 and came back. And yah I had one Fanta also. Nothing else I found to buy. Strange.

2005 till 2007 I used to go mad and ended up spending more than 4 hours at the same place,same market. Why this sudden change?These days I cant buy or making buying decision so easily like earlier, I dont remember when was the last time I bought sometime really colourful and wacky. These days I end up buying either a black trouser or some pale formal shirt. Some boring stuff.

Life has changed so much.Those bright colours are fading away, those silly laughter and those excitement have gone somewhere. Earlier I used to wait so eagerly for holiday and planned so many things but now I feel too lazy and demotivated to even go out.

Does the same thing happen with everyone when we go ahead with life?

This is how I spend my valuable Sunday - By doing nothing , by missing my good old days.

Work,Office,freedom etc

From past few weeks I have been seriously thinking about job - my job and overall. Its been 2 years now that I have been working. Lots of questions.thoughts pop up and vanish like bubbles. A mixed feeling of good,bad,sad,irritated,frustrated,proud travel within me.

I still am unable to understand if my expectation are high are I am just ignorant. Everyone who is working spends almost 70% of his / her day at work place,struggling,taking and giving tantrum,digesting boss's or colleague's some harsh words...its so difficult. In the morning you reach office and you dont even settle down and you be prepared to hear someone shouting on you!!How irritating is that. And more over it happens sometime that you work so hard,you work from the core of your hard - you work just not because you have to work but because you love what you do.Yet sometimes it happens you get zero appreciation. And sometime you feel that you are just being used may be because in some area you are little better than someone else.Its all about being utilized without appreciation,its so mechanical.

Somehow we are so used to with the current scenario - we dont raise our voice even if we feel bad,even if we feel that somethin is going wrong. We are actually happy with whatever - we are not quite confident enough of our capabilities. We act like a machine - we act like animal sometime. Even if we feel bad we put the smile and pretend to be so happy and satisfied....how ridiculous! Why cant we be what we want to be?what stops us?

Being highly educated,professionally qualified we still feel we are incompetent...we are made to feel so.We made to feel as low as possible. I strongly disagree with this concept of YES BOSS. I believe everyone has the right to be happy,to say against what he / she feels to be not right, to protect someone else who is being exploited someone. We even after being educated are paid very low, and at the end of the month we still have to think even spending few rupees extra on an ice cream or a pair of shoes or may be a perfume or lipstick. I believe in being a free soul - i want to feel like a princess, i love pampering myself. Also is it necessary to agree with what we dont think is not right or may be do something in the sake of doing! We spend most of our time in our work places so is not it important for the management to do something really creative and motivating rather than keeping the environment dull and unnecessarily heavy?I feel happy people make a happy atmosphere which of course add in a good productivity then why most of the companies believe in being dull?

Why cant we get creative as most of the ad agencies....why cant we have some space to use our mind?Seems gradually the corporate culture is refraining us from actually think beyond, we are somehow are taught to think what we are supposed to think. We can not laugh, we can not wear bright colours, we can not listen to music, we cant we play some game and take a short break? I understand we need to abide by the decorum, still cant we just be a little wacky and not so stereotype.

We actually need some good leaders who actually can motivate people. Imagine, such leaders may bring an age when people will happily go to office and work happily - people will look forward for Monday and Monday mornings wont be BLUE - it will be pink.We will work not because we have to earn our livelihood but because we will really enjoy contributing.

Dont know when such day will come. When top management will be able to actually handle people. When employees will stop feeling bad about the work place and can breath freely. When they will speak up.

WE really need to break though and speak out. We are not slaves any more. We all are independent, educated and have the right to seek our rights.

Hope

Of late I have been going through the articles / books / stories which talk about Hope.Watching spiritual soaps crowded all the TV channels.Also have been talking to spiritually motivated people. They say what ever happens, happens for good and no question left unanswered at the end of the day. But this 'end of the day' doesnt mean 24 hours.It may be a life time.

People say we suffer not only because of what we do in this life but may be beause of our deeds in our past lives. But how am I supposed to know what I had done in my past life? and how my deeds and equal to what I am getting in this life?

People say, every problem has a solution and those cant be solved should be left thinking that a better and bigger solotion is awaiting. I can not buy this. For an example, I need, I desire for something very badly,desperately and I feel helpless when I see that in spite of my praying and putting effort I am unable to achieve what I want - I am asked that I deserve ( may) a better thing. In short if I do not get what I want, I deserve something better or worse but not what I want!!! Strange. Its been years that I have been praying for basic requirement of my life. I am thankful that I have all the basic things in life - a proper shelter, food, clothes, few good friends,wonderful and very supportive family and a job. but there are things beyond - from past few years ( more than a year and half now) things are really going wrong, I can see me putting effort, being hard working and honest but the result I am getting which is upsetting me.

I see so many ads and so many things (read Ads direct or indirect) to improve your career,relationship,health,wealth - so on and so forth. But does anything can change what Brahma ji has planned for us?I doubt. If so would have been possible no pain, no illness,no heart break could have happened.

I have been t0 so many astrologers in the hope of improving my life and everything. but over a period of time I have realized them to be fake. Nothing has changed in my life. Only my attitude towards life is different now. I try to be with every little things that I have and I had. I no more compare - comparing hurts. I used to ask to myself and God when I know I deserve why cant I achieve?? but i didnt get any answer. Most of my questions left unanswered. I spent many sleepless,painful nights finding the answers feeling absolute helpless.

What the spiritual / motivational theme is teaching us is to be strong. They have their own way to teach us never to give up. Somewhere recently I have read , if someone is punished and in pain,it indicates that the person is done with all the bad things in life and a new,bright,happy life awaiting ahead. I believe, nothing and no one can change anything - its only the attitude not to give up and live life as it comes to us.more over we have to admit the truth that everyone is not blessed with "Good Fortune" and everyone's honesty,hard work dont lead to a fairy tale ending. I loved the movie Corporate. It is so true, so real, so positive.Hope is being sold like a hot cake - its a dream. Hope to stay young,hope to look beautiful,hope to be famous,hope to have peace,hope to be loved,hope to have a super job etc.

These days my mantra of living is never to give up - I have lost many things in life. Dont know if I ever get them back but all these experience have made me stronger, more practical.

Hope and attitude is what I have gained from all the pain,accidents,loss in life.

“Baadlegi ritu e aada par main rahungi saada usi tarha teri bahon me bahon dalke har lamha har pal….”

My last trip to Nainital, one of the most beautiful places I have been to. More over this place has some special significance to my life – it’s the place of my love – my lost love. A place that most of the nights I dream of and even during day time I end up dreaming. Though things have changed over time – this time everything was different. I didn’t feel being in Nainital. This time even being in the same place – few meters away, he preferred to stay miles away. The same place, the same mall road, the same boats but in his absence everything was just so different. Its been a year that I saw him last. I still can remember those days. It was so beautiful. The bus used to reach (it still does) in the morning by 6:30 – 7. I used to visit there alone. The morning sun, the chill breeze and the harmonious sound of the lake wave altogether used to bring me into heaven. Walking slowly beside the quiet lake over the mall road always used to make me feel as if there is no pain, no tears in this earth. Then my eternal waiting to see him came into existence. Though we met for few minutes but it did worth those hours waiting eagerly. Be it the morning, day or night – the place is always equally gracious, elegant and gorgeous. The clouds floating in a little distance, the clear blue sky and sometime the heavy fog at afternoon looked so stunning and I used to wonder the eternal beauty of God’s creation. The best thing I enjoyed is the biking with him – zig zag roads and full speed. Yes I used to be scared but we were together to fade the scare away. The last time I saw him when I went there for the last time, I still remember he promised for boating and he didn’t get the time to spend with me and for boating. I was angry and crying out loud for boating. He promised in my next visit he will fulfill my wish for boating. And I was too upset to say bye… and then I didn’t get a next chance to say him bye or ride on a boat with him ever. He moved on. I stood still at the same place though. After a year now I decided to visit the place again and for the last time so I went but as I thought I didn’t find my love and the magic moments again. Time took everything away – along with my love. I am only left with those memories. Could not even experience one glimpse of him. But I went for boating without him and finally had done the local site seeing. I went to Himalaya view, waterfall, Delhi Road, suicide point (popularly known as Lover’s point) Khurpatal etc. Its beautiful indeed. But I never thought to go these places alone. I knew I wont ever come to this place ever – I slowly left and walked on the mall road for the last time towards Tallital bus stop. My bus was waiting – I got into the bus. Still was trying to find him out - thought him to be near by and watching me quietly but I was again wrong, My camera captured the last moment of the place. This time I promised myself to click as many pics as possible – and I finally ended up clicking 148 pics. I wish I could have captured some more moments and memories. The bus left Nainital at 8:30pm – I bid Good Bye to the place of my Love. Yes I was feeling suffocated, nostalgic – but then I opened the window – the chill breeze of the hills again came and touched me as it used to do a year ago. I saw the city from a distance at the dark – it was beautiful, the lights of the city made it look mysterious from distance. It looked like heaven. Not necessarily every love has to have a happy ending, lets keep mine incomplete. Every incomplete story has a better opportunity for imagination and hope.

Blankness for the time being

Very unusual time for me for blogging but somehow i am not feeling to do anything else at this moment.Blogging is a better idea at this moment.

Sometimes this kind of feelings overshadow so much..we dont feel doing anything, we avoid talking to others, we avoid been visible and heard. I too am feeling the same.

Why do we feel blank?because we escape from some thought that hurt us and makes us scared?

I have heard in life it happnes what we think and what we believe.....Does any one ever think and desire for any mishaps and accidents in life?? then why such things happen? Why can not we do what we want to do?

Right now i really am feeling to go to a spa, have good massage and sleep... I am just too tired to think anything...how does one feel when the person feels stagnant in every aspect of life?And how to break that monotony of being stagnant?

Blank Canvas

An ordinary day and an ordinary night of an ordinary girl. Still I wonder with the rainbow of emotion i have. Each moment I witness each new colour of my emotion - sometimes its passion, sometimes its love, sometimes its hatred, sometimes its trust and sometimes its just the reverse. Anyways, I usually dont like winter but trust me it has some magic specially when I see the full moon from the terrace - I feel like being in a wonderland. Why such things happen in life when we crave for something so badly & we cant even afford to see it...We just end up feeling its very existence .... intangible though.If someone digs in, some dreams can be found green and alive from the debris. Often i end up imagining what I strongly crave for - may be just to be with someone,sitting somewhere beside the lake at some winter night...so much I desire to hear a voice,so much I ache for just a glimpse. We often argue on hope. I believe I have endless hope - Its been more than a year but I still am longing to restore those magic moments forever...Why we dream?and then chase them...and suddenly we realize that the dreams dont even exist. They hurt. Everywhere I try to look I find the scatter pieces of those dreams too sharp to excuse..It for sure leave some wound which seems impossible to be healed. I keep on expecting that my HOPE will spell some magic...and the most cherished moments will come back... I know a day will come when even the hope die...along with all my emotions...what if someone's silly emotion dies? What if a person goes away - far far away from the colours of life?Life becomes a compulsion to live and not an aspiration. The heart gradually stops responding...even the mind becomes careless. If the heart tries scratching on the empty canvas of life - it remains blank... My heart really wants to hope, and wish the Hope to spell the magic...Will my prayer ever be heard? Will I be able to touch my dreams...will I ever be able to hear the voice of my passion?

A quiet night and the full moon

Delhi is chilling ... after work while returning home I noticed the roads of Delhi is bathing in the darkness....I believe power cut is what its being called. Rare though.Traffic signals were not working so can imagine the situation.But it is full moon...as if the earth is bathing with each drop of the moon...so beautiful,so bright,so quiet the night is.

After shifting to a metro city I didnt face much of power cut but i do remember my childhood- exams days,power cuts...and trust me we all used to wait for the power cut so that we could close the pages and went out with friends from neighbor. So all kids used to come out and gather at the play ground....fun it was!!!

Today I couldn't believe my eyes..it was so beautiful - cold breeze,full moon - I believe heaven is no more beautiful than this.The blessings from moon filled my room with imagination - straight from the sky through my window.Just a candle - it was so quiet - I felt to be in the wonderland, such night is always desired by me in my dreams. I find peace in such situation.I feel as if angels are flying, dancing and singing all around...i forget all the pain and unfulfilled wishes......

I so much felt to go back to the days of my childhood....wanted to be with my childhood pals and my parents - the small town,trees,play ground - the innocence.

I miss my fantasy world ....I miss my own territory of imagination - of love - of dream - of hope...

DESIRE

A single night,
To unlock my desire..
Tomorrow will be too late
To set off the fire.
My ears are eager to listen
For so long
I too will tell you
And sing all love song
I should let you know
How I waited in the rain,
With eternal passion for you ..
And with eternal pain.
Let me open my eyes
To spark the desire.
And let me stretch my arms out
To hold the fire.
I keep my love and keep my passion
Within my heart,till the core,
You can make it out..
That's about I am sure.
May this night will
Never reach the end..
And let me live my life..
With you ; within this moment..

Pages from my diary 2000

Ashapakhi..


Dirghodin por,
Ononto niler 'por
ek rash sopno niye ankhi
khunje choleche Ashapakhi.
Kono ek din hoyto ankhi
heemshitol shroter majhe
peye chilo Ashapakhi.
Kotok ushno kotok neel sopno
diyechilo Ashapakhi
heem shitol shroter majhe;
ek rash kalo sopner majhe
klanto ek ankhi ke.
Onontokal periye porishranto ankhi
khujechilo tar shusko polok
chole gechilo ankhi...
par kore noirassho lok.
aaj abar dirgho din por
Ononto neel er 'por
ek rash sopno niye ankhi
khunje choleche Ashapakhi.
Kintu koi...
koi se Ashapakhi?
Oi to Ashapakhi,
sunnyo dristhi mele cheye ache,
kalo akash pane
pran heen deho niye stobdho Ashapakhi
noirasshor otol gohon e......

Nishobdo Dupur -
theme geche somoy
nirjone abiram chestharoto ami.
Jora lagacchi pataguli
-Majhe Majhe domka batash
Uriye nicche
Kichutei parchi na-
Ogochalo jiboner dingulo
- thik pata gulir motoi
ure jacche - jeno ;
Osonlogno proti muhurto
Janakar fank diye ure jacche.
Hothat ekta pata theme gelo,
Koi urche na keno?
Theme jawa somoy
Theme jawa pata -
sobetei tomar uposthiti
- Tai to tara stobdho
tara sthobir...

Time Machine

Im at home right now...its so good to be at home. I feel different, i feel special and i feel relaxed being at home,i know my own people are around me so i feel comfortable and cosy. Its so good when I am called to have food...as I stay alone so no one cares if I have food or not but at home its not so...Its good to go out in the evening and have those spicy,tangy golgappas with my younger brother - freaking out and laughing without any reason...I cherish all these things, I love teasing my brother and trust me he doesnt mind. I was going through some old album yesterday...it seems that those days belong to my past life..so blur they are. But I still feel the happiness, the joy, the innocence of those days...why time move away and take away the happiness?? Now i realize...its not even a decade or even 10 years but many things have changes so drastically - people change, their emotion, their behaviour everything change over time... But somehow i feel i am standing almost at the same place where i was a decade ago.... I feel I am growing old...and old people are moving out...new people are coming in. But is building that strong and same bond with new people is not that easy...I still feel to go back to those beautiful moments.... Do i need a time machine??