Story of 30 something eligible for marriage kinda woman in India !

In your mid 30? And still single? Seems horrible? It should not be. Relax. Chill. The right person will come and the age won’t matter!

30 something and still single? Great!  So am I. In my early 30s and pretty much single.

The questions we face almost on a regular basis “So when are you getting married?” or “hey why are not you still married?”

Well, I am not really against marriage but just because I have crossed 30, I have to get married. Marriage is not a compulsion. It should not be.

Have I tried getting finding that special person?  Yes, I did. By now I think I can write a book on “Meeting the prospective groom!”

The most amazing fact of looking for a groom is, however imperfect they are, they always look for the perfect bride. Now how do we define perfection? Thanks to Indian TV soaps, we have a clear picture in our mind how the bride should be. Fair, slim, educated yet homely, a good cook (to impress the husband and the family), great at house hold work, coy and happy, someone who never complains, who has mastered the art of adjustment without uttering a single word… and the list goes on.  And for many so called educated guys, the bride has to be virgin!

I have been quite an independent woman in my life. Have been working for over a decade, traveling alone from one city to the other, I am the kind of a person who is not afraid of being alone. I eat alone at restaurants. Go for movie alone. Sit alone in a park with a book to read or with my camera. Somehow I am so damn comfortable in my own company.

So what marriage really is?

Two people coming together. With a good check list. Mostly tangible, physical aspects.  Where the guys have to show their salary slips for past 3-6 months. The girls are being measures on weighing machine and with inch tape! Two perfect people move forward with a measured way! Great!!!

But wait – is it marriage all about perfection? I don’t think so.

Is not it about being just yourself?

Why to be someone else? It’s great to follow tradition however it’s never a compulsion to go out of the way and follow something which is not you. For an example, most of the girls who love keeping their hair short, love to wear jeans or even suits – suddenly change themselves by growing their hair long and started wearing saree! Someone who loves to talk and laugh sudden be quiet as the bride – to – be doesn’t talk much or talk loud or laugh much! And if you are little bulky then you are almost a NO NO in the marriage market.

Why can’t marriage be just like a happy soothing breeze! When both the partners meet, the feelings should be “WOW, Where have you been? Now let’s just enjoy the journey together by sharing the happiness, joy and tears together.”   Why can’t it go beyond physical and material attraction?

Marriages for me and for many girls who think alike, is being with a person who is compatible to enjoy the journey of life together. It’s more of a friendship, a lifelong partnership.  It may not be perfect and a bed or roses but while together, everything can be shared!

From my own experience, I have come across guys who are dead against accepting a girl who has her own voice! Who doesn’t follow anyone blindly. Who travels alone. Who puts her needs simultaneously with the partner’s needs! So much so that they guys feel it a threat to have such an independent partner in their life!!!  How come it is a threat when feel having a strong partner makes the partnership stronger!

Image, Tendulkar and Kohli on partnership!  The match will be an amazing one. What if Kohli takes Tandulkar as his competition? The ego game will start! This probably is one of the reasons why most of us are scared to be in a relations, ego! Yes, we are scared to leave the ego behind and start afresh.

Hope a day comes, when all the guys and the girls are themselves and be accepted the way they are. It’s ok sometimes not to be perfect and be the unique self. It’s probably the most beautiful feelings when we are being loved, accepted and appreciated being us!

So don’t hurry, it’s ok even if you are in in late 30s or early 40s. Your friends might all be married with kids going to schools and some may be preparing to go to high school too. Everyone’s timing can’t be same always. Till you are single, enjoy the space. Breathe free.  Learn new skills, develop new hobbies, make new friends, travel solo (trust me; it’s one of the most amazing things you can be doing single and free). Start reading and writing. Discover the new you!

When the right person comes, the age won’t matter. The wrinkle (if any) won’t matter. All that will matter is your soul, the inner core of your being.

Let not your caste, your religion, your complexion, your salary, your financial assets, your height or weight define you. They are a part of you. You are more than all these. You are limitless. A beautiful human being.

I believe I am so.

Stay in love with yourself always! 

Is Technology A Boon or A Curse?

Remember the childhood days when we used to wait for Sundays to get connected with your loved ones or long distance relates? Simply because the call rates was cheaper.

Do you remember the smile on your face while opening a letter and waiting eagerly to read it? Each word came loaded with emotion. We could feel it. While writing a letter, we could probably visualise the reader’s expression.

They used to be soaked in personal touch. Those hand written letters, those had made cards… the smell of them was so special.

Did we miss a deadline because we were not on WhatsApp or other social media? Did we need instant reminder and online planning to meet friends or any family member? There was no lack of coordination or trust. We didn’t keep in touch 24x7 – still we were pretty much in touch and updated. We used to find the shoulder when we wanted to cry or we used to find a companion when we wanted to share something.

Today we all are connected almost 24x7 through technology. 1000 plus contact on popular social media, may be more numbers in phone book. We are excited about the likes and comments we get.

In fact, when we meet the same people with whom we are in touch over social media all the time, somehow we run out of words when we actually have to initiative a conversation in real. Sitting face to face with them we feel challenged – numb. And then we go back to our smart gadgets! Feel comfortable there – in the virtual world. We run out of conversation only because we are so distance from each other in real.

Why this discomfort when it comes to the real world? What are we running from? Are we lacking emotion? Do we feel uncomfortable expressing our emotion? Or we are too distant even to get in touch with our own feelings? Emojis are easy to express. What about a healthy conversation with family or friends and share a hearty laughter?

Now coming back to if technology is a boon or a curse?

Well, all that I have said above are true. At the same time, we have another truth. Imagine, being a woman waiting for a cab late night. Do we feel safe in public transport? Here comes the benefit of modern technology. We have instant radio cabs which are much safer. We have safety apps which keep us connected with loved ones and also to the near-by police stations.

We save time by doing much more work on the move, just being multi-tasking – in today’s busy life it’s one of the best advantage that we have. We can work from anywhere with the help of the gadgets and technology. The world has come into our pockets! Especially in some emergency situation, technology comes to us savior.

It’s a paradox. Still I would say, technology is a boon. It’s up-to us, the human beings to control technology or let technology control us. A balance always makes life perfect. Replace emojis with real laughter. Replace mass forwards with 10 minutes conversation with loved ones. Make the effort to connect in real, beyond virtual world.

Technology is here to make our life simpler, not to create a gap!